in marriage, money matters

Yesterday, I found $20,000.00 in Costa Rica Colones [about $40 in US cash] in my pocket. I laughed out loud. Not only is it useless in the US, but I could have used it 4 months ago while Sarah and I were on our honeymoon. You see, when Sarah and I were leaving Costa Rica we were unaware that they had a departure tax. We spent most of our spending cash before getting to the airport so that we would not have to exchange it back to US dollars. The tax was about $40 US dollars. After looking through our bags for about an hour we found $34 and still needed more. The ATM’s would not take our cards and the departure flight was getting close to leaving. We praise the Lord for providing a stranger who gave us $6 to get the tax cleared. We were in such a pickle that Sarah was about to sell off her iPod for extra cash!

The truth is, money related issues in marriage can draw a husband and wife closer together. Can you be serious, money brings about intimacy in marriage?  Yes. Stats say that money issues are one of the leading causes of divorce.  I believe financial tension in relationships can be improved if they follow through with a few communicative principles:

Pray for wisdom. Not many couples invite God into their financial lives.  God wants to be involved with the money in marriage.  Marriage is always a joint relationship between husband, wife, and God. Pray that God to guide you in how he wants the funds earned, used, and distributed. Release control of your money and give God control (James1:5).

Be Partners. Marriage is is no longer two “me’s” but not a “we.” (Genesis 2:24) In the one-ship of marriage couples lose their individual identity. This includes finances both what comes in and goes out of the home. From now on we are in this financial situation together and we have an equal responsibility and an equal opportunity.

Set clear goals. Not clear as mud, but crystal clear. Setting goals is not just about finances, but it is about all things in life. It is having a plan for life. In other words, it is having a vision for the future. Where do you want to be?  What do you want to be doing? Goal setting is where a husband and wife look at each other and say, “Where do we want to be in 5 years? In 10 years? In 15 years?”  Finances fit into this plan (Proverbs 15:22).

Unity. One flesh equals one bank account. It doesn’t matter who earns it. Some couples think that the one who earns the money spends the money or dictates how it ought to be spent, rather respect your unique contributions to the home.  As the husband I bring in the majority of the paycheck, but my wife, she runs the home. What’s mine is hers and what is hers is mine (1 Corinthians 7:4). We do have separate savings accounts, which we use to purchase gifts for each other on occasions. Give up the insignificant things of life so that you can gain the greater reward of a unified marriage (Philippians 2:4).

Divide and Conquer. Money management takes time, energy, knowledge, and wisdom.  One of the common complaints about the money in marriage is the burden of so many responsibilities and commitments. Couples are forced to decide who will take care of the different tasks related to personal finances. Some things that might work are making a listtogether of all the jobs related to personal finances [i.e. balancing the check book, paying bills, retirement options, investment, etc.] and choose together the jobs you would enjoy doing, then get to work.

Set a budget and stick to it. A budget represents the small goals you meet along the way to achieving your ultimate goals. Once the budget is set it is important that you track your progress.  The best way is to meet together regularly [once a month or every 3 months] to communicate how it is working. Either spouse can call or schedule a family pow-wow. Our goal is on a Monday once a month to sit for a few minutes to walk through our budget plan. The meeting shouldn’t take any more than 15–20 min per week.

Give to God first. The budget must start with what you will give to God and His work. We will give a predetermined percentage of our income to our local church and others in need (Proverbs 16:3). He provides all that we have and need, therefore, we must give back as an expression of our devotion and thanks to Him. Just like my story earlier, God provided for our needs in Costa Rica. It was only a few bucks. Now I have a reminder of His provisions through some colones. I know just who to give these too!!

the case of the white chair

For months Sarah and I have been pondering the mysterious appearance of a single white chair strategically placed in the isle of church during our wedding. We do not know how it got there or who put it there. At first it bothered us, but now it has become a picture of something sweetly divine.

The empty chair has reminded us of our most important guest of honor at our wedding: Christ. We desired to make Christ the focal point of our wedding and it couldn’t be more fitting to have him in the center of the room sitting within the white chair. I won’t go to much further with this analogy for the sake of heresy, but I know  for certain Christ is with us and will continue to be the centerpiece and highest seat within our marriage. Thanks to whoever put the chair in the isle. It has been a source of great frustration turned to joy!!

marriage is sanctifying

A friend recently asked me, “What are you learning now that you’re married?” Without hesitation the first thought that came to my mind, “I am very selfish.” It hasn’t taken long for me to realize how selfish I am. Marriage has a good way of purifying you from selfishness and pride. Marriage is sanctifying.

Another friend who has been married for 3 years said to me that the process of dealing with pride doesn’t get any easier with time. Note this sometimes true-to-life chronology of thought within marriage:

• 1st year of marriage: “I am so selfish. Would you forgive me?”
• 2nd year of marriage: “I know I’m selfish, but I have rights you know!”
• 3rd year of marriage: “Sure I am selfish. Who do you think you are?”

I hope that I continue to be a man that is willing to swallow my pride and love my wife. A wise man once said, If you remain obedient to God you will always be on your honeymoon.

Justin & Sarah’s Story

iResolve

This weekend I will being marrying the woman I love. A lady at church said that I am glowing like a bride to be. I wasn’t sure how to take that, but I assume it was a compliment. As I consider marriage I am eager to love my wife. Over the past few months I have made a series of resolves that I desire to uphold in our marriage:

I resolve to love God first and you.
I resolve to pursue His covenant relationship as a model for our covenant relationship.
I resolve to love you only and no other woman.
I resolve to love you with Gods interests in mind.
I resolve to love you not in a way that is for my own gain.
I resolve to seek the example of God in helping me to love you.
I resolve to lead you as Christ leads me.
I resolve to do my best to listen carefully to every word that is spoken from your lips.
I resolve to not hang up on you or walk away in anger.
I resolve to consult with you on all major decisions that affect both of us.
I resolve to submit and respect authorities in my life.
I resolve to not talk negatively about you in front of other people.
I resolve to minister to you as my first priority.
I resolve to deal with conflict between us biblically and immediately.
I resolve to spend quality time with you alone each day.
I resolve to listen carefully, understand, know and study you.
I resolve to speak truthfully and honestly with you.
I resolve to not bring up what we have already sought in forgiveness.
I resolve to serve you with joy for your encouragement in Christ.
I resolve to encourage you to have other Christ-honoring friendships.
I resolve to be open with you concerning my temptations and desires.
I resolve to give myself to you and only you intimately.
I resolve to seek my greatest satisfaction in Jesus Christ.
I resolve to hold us both accountable before God’s Word.
I resolve to confront your sinfulness, but help you overcome it through Gods help.
I resolve to view your body and heart as Gods beautiful creation.
I resolve to protect you physically, emotionally and spiritually.
I resolve to trust you with all my heart.
I resolve to pursue through trials and tribulations with you.
I resolve to be willing to die with you for the sake of Christ name and glory if He so chooses.
I resolve to instill within our relationship convictions not conformity.
I resolve to pray with you often.
I resolve to worship God above all and not to make you an idol of my heart.
I resolve to give God the glory for our blessings and good gifts from God.
I resolve to show and tell you, “I love you.”

Sincerely yours,

Justin Hutts

marry me

It was a cold snow covered day, but the sun was shining brightly through the trees. We took a walk like we do every Friday. Everything about the day was normal. I wanted it to be very normal. As we walked through the snowy pathways of the park we talked about our day and spoke sweet nothing to each other.

As we made our way to the green railed bridge over the shallow creek my heart was throbbing and throat lumpy. She didn’t sense that I had been planning this normal day for months. We talked a little while and I held her in my arms. I quoted her a list of things that I cannot wait to do as our relationship grows. The sun was settling behind the trees and the cold was setting in, and she decided it was time to leave. I let her go a few steps and said, “Wait.” She turned. I caught her eyes and said, “There is one more thing I cannot wait to do. I cannot wait to ask you just one question.” I lowered to my knees, pulled a ring out of my pocket and gazed my choking eyes into hers. (A very normal day was about to change into infamous memory as) I mouthed the words, “Will you marry me?”

With a leap, Sarah, was screaming, crying and crushing my knee! “So what is your answer?” I exclaimed. “Absolutely” she joyfully answered.

We enjoyed the moment together, hearts warmed on the cold snow covered day. To think I’ve been praying for this women even before I knew her…

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boundaries

Boundaries are necessary. Boundaries are practical markers that keep you out or keep you in. A boundary says, “I am not going there. I am not going to step over that line.” During a time of war boundaries are put into place to keep an enemy out or clearly mark the line of defense. Where I live the subdivision has created boundaries between the property lines. This is really only helpful when I am mowing the lawn!? In most all sports there are boundaries to be kept within the rules of the game. Boundaries are necessary. 

 

There are boundaries in other area’s of life. Especially when it comes to relationships. A couple needs to set up boundaries to protect themselves from crossing over into territory that God has not allotted for them until marriage. There are certain boundaries that are not to be crossed: sex before marriage, and immoral touching or talking… these are clear from the Bible. There are other boundaries that are not so clear, but should be decided depending on the temptations and desires of the couple for the purpose of protecting their purity and integrity until that sacred day. So many couples do not even consider boundaries. This is a recipe for disaster. Not only is it not how the relationship is meant to be, but it also spoils the joy of waiting. Boundaries are necessary.